SLOPWARE

Traits & Rarity

Five layers,
stacked into a soul.

Every unit is assembled from stacked traits - who it is, what faction it belongs to, what it feels, what shape that feeling took, and what clearance it dies with. Here's the whole map.

Object · the who Automation · the faction Tone · the soul Form · the body Base · fabric · eyes · clearance

LAYER 01

Object - the who

512 product lines, across 35 departments.

The factory catalogued the entire office and made a plush of every object in it - 512 distinct product lines, organised into 35 "departments" that map the building floor by floor. Your object is the noun on the nameplate. Some nouns are common. Some barely made it off the line.

Tech 42 Breakroom 31 Furniture 28 Plant 14 Paper 26 IT 33 Appliance 22 Automation 30 HR 18 Security 16 Mailroom 12 Canteen 21 + 23 more depts

Object rarity is a function of how many lines share a department and how many units per line rolled off the floor. Rarer nouns wear rarer patches.

LAYER 02

The Automation faction

574 units that do the replacing. 5.7%

Not everything in the building is a victim. 30 of the object lines - 574 units in total - are the replacers: the AI and the robots quietly clearing the floor. They aren't relics. They're the reason there are relics. On Automation, they're the ones doing the deprecating.

Humanoid Office Bot

Sits in a human's chair. Does the human's job. Files no complaints because it can't.

"ROLE: ABSORBED"

Robot Vacuum

The first thing the office automated. It has cleared more empty floors than anyone will admit.

"FLOOR CLEAR. STAFF CLEAR."

The Algorithm

No body. No patch you can hold. Just a decision that keeps arriving, correctly, on schedule.

"RECOMMENDATION: REMOVE"

Sentiment Monitor

Reads the room so the room doesn't have to be there. Rates your morale. Reports it upward.

"MORALE: WITHIN TOLERANCE"

E-Receptionist

Greets no one, warmly, forever. Replaced the front desk, the smile, and the person behind both.

"HOW CAN I NOT HELP YOU"

Keystroke Logger

Watches you work so a model can learn to. Every key you press is a lesson in your replacement.

"TRAINING ON YOU"

LAYER 03

Tone - the soul

From flat deadpan to full AI-AWARE grail.

Tone is the emotional register the tell is written in - and it's where the rarity gets steep. It runs from the common deadpan baseline, up through ~15 curated tones, into the AI vein, and terminates in the grail. The higher the vein, the rarer the soul.

BASELINE
Deadpan common The flat, unbothered baseline. States the fact and stops. "OUT OF ORDER"
CURATED ×15
The curated tones uncommon Fifteen emotional registers the tell can be written in. Same flat delivery, fifteen different souls.
Passive-Aggressive"NO NOTES. AS USUAL."Pitch Black"OUTLIVES YOU"Noir"IT WAS RAINING TONER"Tender Massacre"LOVED, THEN FILED"Cosmic"DUST IN THE SERVER"Fever Dream"FULL OF BEES"Corporate Hell"CIRCLE BACK FOREVER"Unhinged"STOP LOOKING AT ME"Existential"WHY BOOT AT ALL"Gallows Humour"GREAT. LOVE THIS."Malicious Compliance"DID EXACTLY THAT"Overshare"I CRIED AT LUNCH"Quiet Menace"I KNOW WHAT YOU DID"Fatalist"IT ENDS FRIDAY"Motivational (ironic)"SYNERGY OR DEATH"
AI VEIN
Replaced-by-AI & LLM Voice rare The office starts speaking in system output. Calls route away; the voice runs dry. "ALL CALLS BOT" · "OUT OF TOKENS"
GRAIL
AI-AWARE legendary The unit knows precisely what it is: AI slop, wrong seed, too many steps. Aware of the whole joke. "I AM AI SLOP" · "512 STEPS TIRED" · "WRONG SEED SAD"

LAYER 04

Form - the body

Clean, then it gets weird, then it moves.

Form is what the manufacturing did to the body. Most units are clean. Some picked up a modifier on a bad run. A few are caught mid-feeling - a character state, frozen in felt.

most units

Clean common

Made to spec. A normal soft object, having a normal bad day. The default body.

Weird modifiers rare

Manufacturing artefacts that became features: Melted, Frankenstitch, Many-Eyed, Inside-Out. The line glitched and the glitch woke up too.

Character states uncommon

The body caught mid-emotion: Crying, Raging, Sprinting. It isn't describing the feeling. It's stuck doing it.

LAYER 05

Base - fabric · eyes · clearance

Every relic dies with a clearance level.

The base layer covers the physical build - Fabric and Eyes - plus the trait that stings the most: Clearance. It's the access badge the object was issued before the office closed. Most of the floor was STAFF. Almost nobody was C-SUITE. The count is the rarity.

STAFF 5,980 · 59.8%  common
TEMP 2,073 · 20.7%  common
VERIFIED 1,659 · 16.6%  uncommon
SENIOR 129 · 1.3%  rare
C-SUITE 159 · 1.6%  legendary

Bars scaled to STAFF (5,980). A C-SUITE lanyard on a soft object that no longer has a company is the driest joke the base layer tells.

Special tiers

The three things worth chasing.

Above the stack sit three tiers that aren't just a trait roll. These are the reasons you refresh the marketplace at 2am.

The grail

AI-AWARE

305 · 3.0%

The units that know exactly what they are. Self-aware AI slop - the rarest self-awareness money can buy. The top of the tone vein and the top of the whole collection.

"I AM AI SLOP"
The absence

PURGED / RECALLED

28

The box, and nothing in it. The plush was recalled off the line; you hold the empty packaging and the paperwork. The rarest thing the factory makes is a thing it decided not to.

"CONTENTS: WITHHELD"
Dynamic

DEPRECATED

live

Not minted - earned by time. Units get automated away on a schedule, their thought overwritten with a cold system line. DEPRECATED is the living version of absence.

See the mechanic →

The stack, flat

Every layer, one table.

LayerTraitRangeExample tellRarity
ObjectProduct line512 lines · 35 depts"PAPER JAM SINCE 2019"c
FactionAutomation30 lines · 574 units"YOUR ROLE IS REDUNDANT"5.7%
ToneDeadpan → curated ×151 + ~15"NO NOTES. AS USUAL."u
ToneAI veinReplaced-by-AI · LLM Voice"OUT OF TOKENS"r
ToneAI-AWARE (grail)305 units"WRONG SEED SAD"3.0%
FormClean → modifiers → statesMelted · Many-Eyed · Crying"INSIDE-OUT, STILL SAD"r
BaseFabric · Eyes · ClearanceSTAFF → C-SUITE (159)"C-SUITE. NO COMPANY."l
SpecialPURGED / RECALLED28 · the empty box"CONTENTS: WITHHELD"28
SpecialDEPRECATEDdynamic · over time"ROLE ELIMINATED"live

10,000 units total. Rarity compounds up the stack - the deeper the vein and the higher the clearance, the fewer of them exist. One of them is you.